why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
