You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I deserve this hangover.
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