end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
