chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
