At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
