Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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