So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
