Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
