yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
