found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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