Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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