Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
