If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
