Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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