my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
birth control should be required to get into college
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
