rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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