Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Someone signed my nipple.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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