My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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