And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
