What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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