I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
