Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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