I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
