I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
