Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
