I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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