Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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