no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
