Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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