OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
4 words: hood of his car
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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