he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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