I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
