So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
