Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
