I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
