Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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