I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
