I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My feet surprised me
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Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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