I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
