I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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