Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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