ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
