I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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