Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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