you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
