I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
