I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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