I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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