omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
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I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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