Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
