i just had sex bonerless
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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