What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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