do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
