Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
