highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
