I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Come see our sink grown plant.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
