I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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