Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
