i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
