im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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