Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
