I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
