Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
