Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
