I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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