Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
