She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
