I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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