A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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