I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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