If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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