Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Please, let me fuck your mom
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
