My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
