his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
