i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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