She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
