Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I want to fling myself into the sun
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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