i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
